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Why Forever, The Girl?
I am 37 years old as of today. In all this time on this Earth, I’ve discovered things about myself that I like, some that I love and some that I can’t stand. I’m a woman, which means that I am self-critical, see my flaws and hate my body a lot of times (not all the time, though). I’m smart, but an overthinker. I can be too reserved, too closed off. I can give you my bad qualities any day of the week… But there are things about myself that I don’t ever want to change. I want to protect these things about myself and not lose them in the…
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And So, It Begins…
What drives a girl to buy a domain name, pay for hosting, and set up a blog? I don’t know about other girls, but the only thing that can do this to me…is a broken heart. There’s a flaw in my behavior and logic, though; I’m not sure I’m nursing a broken heart. He didn’t get a chance to break it. My heart is definitely bruised and will take some time to mend, but it’s not broken. Since January 15, I have been in a state of confusion, overthinking, sadness, anger, and all those feelings. But I’m getting ahead of myself. If I’m going to process, and also end up…
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Let’s Get This Over With
This will be long… On or around Christmas Eve, Eugene waited until the end of a long conversation to ask me “what are we doing here?”. He wanted to know if we were going to meet. I reminded him that he had decided that our distance was too much for him and that he wouldn’t entertain it. He didn’t remember it. I laughed and said I had the texts to prove it and he said “well, I don’t need you to prove to me that I’m stupid. Do you think you can get over it?” and we tabled the conversation for the next time. It was late and we’d…
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Protected: “I felt there was nothing I could do, that you wouldn’t forgive me for”
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
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“You’re too good for me”
I keep replaying the conversation we had on January 22, 2022. It was uncomfortable. He was anxious. I didn’t know he had concerns about a possible “us”. His concerns were that we had lived very different lives, that he was too fucked up for me (his words) and that I was too good for him and bottom line “we’re not a good match”, he said. He actually said “you’ve probably heard this before, but not from someone who actually meant it: You’re too good for me.” It sounds like a line you say to make yourself feel better by trying to make someone feel better about you rejecting her.…
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I’m Going To Need A Moment
I’m going to need the Man upstairs to stop with the jokes. I watched the new episode of How I Met Your Father and Eugene’s real name kept popping up. Kinda hard to ignore and get someone out of your head when the TV reminds you. I put on a movie on Netflix and the events happened on Eugene’s birthday, the month and day displayed on the screen. What are the odds of that? And to top it off, I decided to watch Imposters, a show I hadn’t watched in YEARS and Mr. Ezra Bloom is from Indiana…where you guessed it…Eugene is from. I’m done. This…
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Pause & Resume
November 15 was the day he moved to Florida. He asked me where I lived and I told him. We were 1hr away. I told him I lived in Kissimmee and his answer was “maybe after we’ve met” and ladies and gentleman, that put a smile on my face. Then…another pause. He reached out on November 27, asking what I was up to. I was working that weekend. I’d hoped he’d ask me out, but we just talked about what each of us was up to, made some funny jokes. I absolutely loved our text exchange that day and will probably read it when I’m 80yrs old and…